Interview
by Bob'sCookie
Summary: "Hello there. My name's Marron Chestnut and I'm going to be interviewing a few of my friends. Who? Well you'll just have to wait and see.." A series of "romantic" interviews with the Dragonball characters. Full summary inside/rated M for language.
1. Broli

Interview

Introduction Broli

"Hello there. My name's Marron Chestnut and I'm going to be interviewing a few of my friends. Who? Well you'll just have to wait and see. Why? Because I have been reading fanfic for a while now and, I love romances as nuch as the next girl, but there are a few fan pairings that, in all honesty, strike me as…. WHAT THE FXXXING HELL?"

"Seriously people. Mr. Vegeta and Mr. Goku? My Uncle Juunana-Gou and Mirai Trunks? Ms. ChiChi and Mr. Piccolo? Pan and Goten? WTF? Incest, pedo, yoai, yuri…."

"I realize that homosexuality is socially acceptable in this day and age, but seriously, there are no gay characters in Dragonball. None. Well, there were two: General Blue and Otokosuki. Freeza….maybe. And the Ginyu Squad is debatable-but all the homos were made fun of in the series, weren't they? Yes they were!"

"If a character is gay, good for them. But if not, don't twist their sexuality! Stop yoai abuse! Stop turning every character gay! Keep us IN character, please. True to the original artist and or author's design." Marron suddenly flushed and quickly looks away.

"Sorry to go off like that." She regains composure and clears her throat. "Ahem. I am here to interview fellow Dragonball characters and ask what they think about what these so called "fans" have been doing to our image."

"So, let's start off with hm…." Marron looks down at the clipbord in hand. "Broli." She then smiles up at the imaginary audience. "Ok! Let's all go to Hell for a moment and pay a friendly visit to the Legendary Super Saiya-jin!"

Marron casually strolled down the streets of Hell with Gozu and Mezu as her guides and, if need be, bodyguards. The red oni in front, blue oni in back, she had no fear of rouge spirits attempting on assault.

They lead her to the Chinoike Jigoku (Bloody Pond Hell) where a lone Saiya-jin sat on a small, white bench, relaxed and tranquil.

Marron eyed him curiosly. 'So this is the Legendary Super Saiya-jin. He doesn't seem so demonic.' "Demonic": the word her father had specifically used when describing him to her before. Marron had heard all the stories of this man from the others, but seeing him now, that description just didn't suit him in her eyes.

"Excuse me. Oni." Mezu was the first to speak. Broli calmly looked up. "This is Ms. Chestnut. Oni. The girl for your interview. Oni."

Marron smiled and politely waved. "Hi." Broli returned her gesture with a soft smile of his own. His dark, lowcast eyes seemed to sparkle, his shaggy hair came over his face and brushed over his shoulders, his bare shoulders. No need to mention his lack of a shirt. Or how well toned his figure was….

'This guy's HOT!' Marron couldn't help but think. Then she immediately blushed to herself. 'Foccus, Marron. The interview, remember? The interview.'

She took a step forward and offered out her hand. "H-hi. I'm.. Marron Chestnut."

Then Broli stood up and towered over the girl. That man was so tall; Marron was liteally half his size. He humbly accepted her hand.

"I am Broli."

Marron blushed deep. 'Oh, Kami, what a smooth voice….'

"Yeah.. I noticed." Marron cringed.

'Dammit, why'd you say that? That was stupid! Wait, what am I thinking? This guy's old enough to be my father! Not to mention he's dead.'

Gozu brought her away from her thoughts. "Twenty minutes. Oni. And then you will have to return. Oni."

"Oh right!" Marron gasped. That was the agreement when they first set up this interview. "Ok. So.. Um…." She struggled to keep her thoughts straight. "Interview. Got it."

Broli merely stood there silently with a soft, spacious look as the young woman studdered under his charm.

Marron swallowed the lump in her throat, looked up at the man, still slightly blushing, and yet determind to do her job. "Mr. Broli." she said quickly and a little too loud. She was obviously embarassed and Broli remained, none the less stoic, yet peaceful. Like he had this gentle nature to him.

"It has come to my attention that several fans have been writing r-romance fics about you and Goku." still speaking a bit loud. "How does that make you feel?

Broli's expression deepened as his eyebrows slightly furrowed and his sly smile faded into a small frown of misunderstanding. "Me and who?"

"Er.. you and Kakarrot." Marron corrected, feeling a little silly."

"Kakarrot?" Broli remained silent for a moment. "Kakarrot…." he repeated himself, this time in a low, almost inaudible voice that Marron found totally irresistable.

But she was taken by surprize when Broli's placid features twisted into a demented scowl as he suddenly screamed, "Kakarrot!"

She jumped. The air around Broli began to pick up and gusts heavily whipped around him as his hair began to glow and stand on end! His Ki hieghtened. His aura flashed gold. The very ground beneath him shook and rumbled.

Marron could no longer stand in his presence. She, Gozu, and Mezu were all thrown back. Cracks formed into the ground and rocks were strewn about. Broli's entire physique doubled in size.

"KAKARROOOOOOOT!" the man primaly roared like a caged beast.

Marron sat there on the cold, hard ground of Hell, shocked and so confused. A few minutes ago he was the typical Prince Charming and now, all of a sudden he was worse than the Boogieman, the Devil, and Chuck Norris combined! xD

'Wow, I guess Dad was telling the truth about this guy. He's totally insane!'

Then Marron jumped again as Broli, without warning, lifted into the air in pursuit of Kakarrot.

"…."

Silence reigned for the next few minutes, until Marron shook off the incident and jumped to her feet.

"Well there you have it, folks." she said absently as she dusted off her dress. Then she stood straight. "I'm not sure, exactly, what that was all about.. but one thing is obvious: Broli hates Goku." Mezu got to his feet. "Seriously. He's been out to kill the guy since the day they were born. Literally." Gozu got to his feet. "Why? Let's just say that dear Broli has some deep seeded psychological problems. In all honesty, there is no love what-so-ever between those two." Then Marron took an overly dramatic bow. "Thank you."

"Broli?" a distressful cry from Bardock could be heard coming from somewhere in the back. "What the fuck? Dude, why are you chasing me?"

"KAKARROT!" Broli was now froathing at the mouth like a rabid dog.

"I'm his FATHER, jackass!"

"Erm…." Marron didn't know what to say to this sudden development. She didn't mean to stimulate the guy's insanity. "Yes, well…. Let's go back to Earth, shall we? And see who else we can interview."

Marron cheerfully skipped down the road with Gozu and Mezu following close behind, ignoring poor Bardock's pleas for help.

"Hopefully these next interviews won't be so..manic?"

-Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I don't own the show, I just own my own antipathy towards cliché, out of character, romance fanfics. Seriously. They all sound the same and they all suck. KEEP CHARACTERS IN CHARACTERS.

Marron: "It's me again. Are there any fan pairings out there you've come across that completely drive you bonkers? You know ther-"

Goten: "He he. "Bonkers"."

Marron: "Shut up, Goten." (back to the audience) "You know there IS! So, send in a review detailing which fan pairing you hate and why you hate it, and I'll see if I can book an interview. Thanks! This has been "Interview" with Marron Chestnut. See ya next ti-what the?"

Goku: (out of nowhere steels the microphone) "Caro, the quote unquote author, prefers signed reviews. That way she can contact you back."

Vegeta: (snatches the mic) "All anonymous reviewers will be prosecuted."

Goku: (pulling on the mic) "What's that taste like?"

Vegeta: "Dammit, Kakarrot!"

Broli: (from the dark corner of the room) "KAKARROT?"

Goku: ! (drops the mic and runs)


	2. Yamcha

Interview

Despite what the heading may say, this isn't exactly "romance" but more like ANTI-romance.

.

Marron cheerfully walks up. "I'm back!" She waves and gives a smile. "Ok. Chapter two of "Interview" is finally here! The much anticipated continuation-"

""Much anticipated" by like, what, maybe two people?"

Marron turns towards the insulter. "Mister Yajirobe I'm TRYING to sound professional!" she faces the quote unquote audience. "First, I will start off by thanking both Lemon-Kissed and Goten'sSon for the reviews." .. (THANK YOU!) .. "And on a side note, the author of this story is still amazed by the fact that you can give yourself a review." claps sarcastically "Good for you, Carolina. Good for you."

"What crap. This story only got three reviews and one was from its own author? That shouldn't even count."

"Mister Yajirobe, you're making this extremely difficult.."

.

"Some one mentioned both the TrunksxPan and GotenxBra pairing...but those will not be addressed today. Sorry. Bra had a hair appointment she couldn't miss. You know how that goes."

"Pan...I think is grounded. Something happeden up on Mt. Paozu last week involving hairspray, a chicken, and a load of waxing paper so yeah, Goten said she got grounded 'til she's thirty." pause "And no, I didn't really ask.."

"TRUNKS.." saying his name with great distaste "went ON and ON about some buisness meeting he had scheduled for today that he just COULDN'T get out of. He acted as though the fate of the world depended on it! It was just THAT important! Many corporate sponsers..a huge deal..he couldn't reschedule.. He couldn't miss it for a mere interview; he couldn't miss it for the world! But he could miss it to go BOWLING?" .. "Half way through this oh-so-important meeting he snuck out! The man escapes out the friggin' window! HOW JUVENILE. If he didn't want an interview he could have just said so in the first place but no, he had to lie to me like he actually cared, like he actually wanted to but just couldn't, like he-" (goes on long, redundant rant) "-so! I couldn't interview Trunks today. Sorry."

"And Goten? He's off doing Goten things. I don't know."

.

"Then came the question; who can I interview? Well, I was over at Capsule Corp. earlier and thought I'd interview Mr. Vegeta, right?" expression drops "Wrong. He locked himself up in his Gravity Chamber for some intense training. Jeez people! Why is everyone avoiding me like a plague?" she sighs "Then there was Ms. Bulma. I'd ask her but she's been up in her lab working diligently on a revolutionizing new invention, like always, to improve our lives for the betterment of mankind;so I won't disturb her. You've gotta respect a woman like that. Who knows what her brilliant, unrivaled mind is developing right now as we speak?"

-**In Bula's lab**

"Finally, it's complete! The perfect condom!" Bulma proudly held up her scientific breakthrough. "For his AND her plesure!"

-**Back with Marron**

"Yep. She sure is an inspiration."

Yajirobe coughed indifferently.

"I thought about calling up Mr. Tenshinhan and requestiong an interview in regard to all those accusations surrounding him and Mr. Chaozu, but I don't know their number. In fact, I don't even know what country they live in. They just, you know, randomly pop up every few yers when the world's in danger or whenever Ms. Bulma hosts a reunion. So the TenxChao pairing interview will be on hold for a while."

.

"Then I rememebred about Ms. Lunch. She's crazy about Mr. Ten! And since they were never officially a couple, that can be considered a fan based pairing, right? But before I thought too hard about it I decided to write that off. I realized...I don't want to get shot." that was said with a nervous laugh. "So I'd better avoid the prospect of upsetting that woman by dissmissing her fantasy as "non canon" or "fan based" and, in truth, not ever going to happen." she pauses for a second and it dawns on her. "Hey! Maybe she's the reason Mr. Ten doesn't let anyone know where he and Chaozu live. He doesn't want Luch to find him."

...

"Anyway, one character was free for en interview today-well, appearantly Mister YAJIROBE was free, too." glares over at him.

"What?"

"But I don't think there are any pairings with him, fan based or not." She smiles excitedly as she clasps her hands together. "I've arranged an interview with an extremely vital character!" Please note the sarcasm in her voice. "One who's played a major role in DB, remained just as important throughout DBZ, and in DBGT..oh man..he stole the show!"

"Is it me?" Yajirobe asks.

"That's right, folks!" Marron continued on ignoring him. "Today I will be interviewing none other than... Upa!"

"...who?"

Marron turns towards Yajirobe. "You know...Upa? That little Indian boy, whom my dad thought was a girl, whom was held hostage by Colonel Yellow-that tiger guy-of the Red Ribbon Army because they were after the dragon..ball.. and... they." she stops when she notes his constant state of blankness. Marron's hands jump up to her hips in defense. "Whatever, It's called "sarcasm"." she lifts her chin proudly. "No, I am NOT interviewing Upa." her expression lets up as she eagerly smiles. "I will instead be interviewing Yamcha!"

Yajirobe asks again, "Who?"

Marron sighs..

.

.

-12:00 pm rolled around. Time for Marron's interview with Yamcha.

They sat at a small table in a coffee shop drinking, ironically enough, orange juice and sweet tea.

Marron looked up from her orange juice. "Some fan writers write romantic fics about you and Bulma, but those don't bother you, right? I mean, she IS your exgirlfriend."

Yamcha kept his eyes on his cup. Despite his indifferent tone, you could detect a small trace of regret in his eys. "Yeah, that's cool. We really had some chemistry back in the day."

"Some write romance fic about Bulma leaving Vegeta and coming back to you."

Yamcha's gaze shot up towards the girl; a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "Really?" After a moment of reconsideration however, it faded. "Vegeta would kill me."

Marron laughed, "Yes he would!" She noticed how Yamcha didn't join in so she abruptly stopped, feeling a bit embarassed for herself and sorry for Yamcha. She coughed into her hand before continueing. "So overall, you being paired up with Bulma by fans, due to any plot device, doesn't bother you?" He shrugged. Marron brought her orange juice up to sip as she asked her next question. And that question was, "What about you and Tenshinhan?"

"What?"

His sudden response caused Marron to jump and almost spill her glass. "Yeah.." she set it back down. "I've come across a few fics that paired you two together and-"

"Ok. First of all," Yamcha leaned over the table "I'm not gay. And neither is Tenshinhan...I don't think. But just because I live with a cat. A cool ass talking FLYING cat, and he lives alone with his male best friend does not mean we're gay. Especially not with eachother." He sat back in his seat. "I mean..I don't even know what country the guy lives in! That fact alone should prevent any accusations of a "relationship"."

"Yeah." Marron agreed. Then nervously began her next sentence. "And there's also the fan pairing of you and..." Yamcha raised an eyebrow in suspense. "..my dad."

He blinked. "..." He jumped. "What the-your father? I mean, no offense, but.. YOUR FATHER?" ... "Jeeze, the guy-well.. don't get me wrong; he's a good friend and all.. I've known him forever.. but hes just, uh, God I don't know what to say to that!"

After a moment of removing all unpleasant thoughts and images from his head, and several sips of sweet tea later, Yamcha stated calm and collected, "No, Marron, I am not in love with your father."

Marron lowered her face in relief and approval. "I am very glad to hear that, Sir."

Yamcha leaned back casually in his seat. "Now, I could understand fans writing fics about me and your mother, maybe...but your FATHER?"

"Mp!" Marron's shoulders jumped. She didn't expect to hear that. Marron knew her mother was a very attractive woman, but she didn't know Yamcha was that bold. And even though he was a close friend to her father, he still had no right to say that. Marron's face went red. She wasn't sure whether she was blushing or just extremely pissed as she glared at the older man. "What?"

Yamcha was totally unfased. "I'm just saying that that would be more believable-"

"How would THAT be any more "believable"?"

"Well for starters she's gotta ni-I mean-she's a woman. I'm a man. Two qualities for a great romance right there.

Marron's face was still red as she tried to clear all the images of this man groping her mother that seemed to have found a home in her unwilling mind. She shook her thoughts clean and calmed down best she could before responding in a low, venomous voice. "My mother hates you, Mr. Yamcha. Let's leave it at that."

Yamcha pouted. "Awe, come on. She doesn't HATE m-"

"SHE HATES YOU." Marron nodded in assurance. And just like that, Yamcha's dreams were crushed for the...umpteenth time in his life.

They sat in silence for a moment. Marron nonchalantly sipped on her juice. Yamcha sat baffled, trying to think of any possible reasons that Juuhachi-Gou might hate him.

"Moveing along.." Marron's voice pulled Yamcha back into their interview. He looked over at the girl to be greeted by her evil grin. "Some fans even pair you up with Pu'ar."

"WHAT?" Yamcha's eyes could get no bigger and his jaw could drop no lower.

"Yeah.. But just as a crack pairing, though." she sighed in dissapointment. "Not to be seri-"

"Oh my God, they pair us up as a gay, cross species, crack head couple?"

(note: in the Japanese version Pu'ar is a boy, not a girl)

"Sir.. a crack PAIRING, as in funny and not at all serious. Like a joke."

Yamcha blushed at his misunderstanding. "Oh. I thought.. You meant.."

Marron was now bored and ready to leave, so she decided she had best cut to the chase and bring up the last fan based Yamcha pairing she could think of. The sooner she asked, the sooner he answered, the sooner she could get on over to the Kohl's one day only shoe sale at the Satan City Mall.

"Yes, well, moving on again.." Yamcha drank some tea now that all the previous tension had been lifted. "There was another fan based pairing; you and Maron."

Yamcha blinked at her from over the rim of his teacup. He slowly lowered the cup from his face and onto the table, slowly retracted his hand, slowly shrunk into his seat, and slowly asked, "They hook me up with you?"

Marron slightly blushed and looked down, cringing in annoyance. "No... Maron, my dad's exgirlfriend."

"Oh." Yamcha laughed. Then it clicked. "Oh! Really?" Now he was getting excited. He leaned over the table holding his hands together anxiously.

"How does tha-"

"So, what do they write?" he asked with a big grin.

Marron stopped and just stared at him. She did NOT want to sit there discussing the erotic fantasies of YamchaxMaron shippers. Time was slipping by. Less than twelve hours left before the sale ended. Cute shoes were on the line.

"Um, Mr. Yamcha, I'm not here to discuss the stories; just your opinion-"

"How can I have an opinion on what I don't know?" he pressed.

Marron's eyelids dropped. Thanks to Master Roshi she has had some contact with every perversion imaginable. And, thanks to said master, she had developed quite the stigma towards all perverts, inuendos, or sexual references; mild or not.

She held her head. "You can look these fics up on the internet 'til your heart's content when you get home. So why don't you please give your opinion already so we can-"

"Really? The internet, huh? Wow, fanfic porn..and I'M the star! I'm gonna have ta look into this!" his happy bubble popped once he took note of the look on Marron's face and so he immediately replaced his smile with a sober pout. "For, you know, reference."

Marron stood up, eyes narrow in a glare much like her mother's. "I think you're enjoying this a little too much." and with that she walked towards the exit.

Yamcha turned towards her leaving figure. "Hey! What about the pornagr-I mean interview?"

But Marron either didn't hear him or just flat out ignored the man. She was a girl.. on a mission.. to Kohl's.

Yamcha sulked, looking at Marron's forsaken orange juice. "Awe, dammit. Now I have to pay the check."

.

.

-**Disclaimer**: (insert disclaimer from chapter one here)

.

.

Goten: "Yo! It's me, Goten." (grinning madly) "I'm done doing my Goten things. And since Marron ran off to a shoe sale, I'm the only character left to wrap this baby up!"

Yajirobe: "Hey, I'm still here-"

Goten: "Yep! I'm the ONLY CHARACTER left."

Yajirobe: "This is bogus, man.."

Goten: "So, I'm thanking the two reviewers again." (waves) "Thank you, two reviewers! And on an almost random note; yes, you CAN review your own story!" xD


End file.
